Thursday, 8 April 2010

Down~~

Baby are u down down down down down ~~
downnnn~~,DOW
Nnnn~.
even if the sky is falling in
down


by Jay Sean ...love that..bt this post is different...

Damn, this feeling has resurfaces again after my tedious work of suppressing it.And to my dismay, this one piece of intense feel-not-good part of feeling just reemerge to overtake me.. agian like it always do..

After days of feeling good about myself n contented of my being ,a simple question from that someone has robbed it all...that is an enquiry bout my last sem's result.
 
The moment he had asked it it felt like cold wind being blowed into my skull,leaving a void space, that later being filled with dismay n despondent.


Its heavy now..my head .I m feeling like submerging myself in the dept of the deepest ocean , hiding myself from the present of my peers..I m ashame!!! Coz The fact that my last sem!s result which is not a thing to be proud of,more to be ashamed of, has somehow striped my ego(men hv strong ego u know)..huhu

Thus the feeling of down arises...which in my case could be define as the feeling of regret.upset,and shame.. those things that had been hunting me since EVER!!

To me, it is so depressing when it come to be defeated in academic coz now my only concerned as a sponsored student is studies!! I m defeated by my peers n my own expectation.. even though i dont really have high expectation of myself(not that I m lack of confidence) bt I m trying ot be realistif of my own ability..

Btw the main thing now is the damn feeling...DOWN! Everytime I flung in exams due to my carelessness..or realized that I mindlessly hurt someone,or if someone said smtg hurtful, or i missed someone badly , instantly my happy-go-luck mode be swith off into dark gloomy siri mode!!!

And the worst part it..it seems to turn on the I-MISS-EVERYONE mode as well!.. this is the time I would reminisce all the good times i had wif my old pals or of someone I used to loved.....bt all the time, I would be missing home!!

An hour ago,thanks to that someone who loves butting in wif the question i dislike most...'how was ur grade???'...now I m so in so much pain! I m emotionaly suffering... :(:(:(:(

BUT one thing I learned from the teaching of the great man , the Buddha is that, feeling do constatntly flunctuate,n it is impermanent ...its u, as the comander of the ship , to hve the ultimate power to meneuver it safely or to let it drift into darkness....

..



BUZZ!!! someone jez buzz me on my YM...n its AzT....a friend of mine(jez knew)...the doomes-day feeling has transformed into a bringht-spring daylight!

I m thrilled!! :):):) ....c feeling does change...

I m so into chatting now....bye2...XOXO :p

2 comments:

Niealex said...

Adoi Siri..

That does not solves the problem la oi--!

It's like taking drugs or drinking alcohol u know. You forget, and you'll be happy.
Period.but the problem is still there.

You need to solve 'em problems. Discuss with someone-!

**Btw,I'm here!**

Princha said...

thanks niea....huhu...u asyik bz je..huhu